Life Changes

Well, someone was praying out there because my pass got approved and I made it home to Ohio. So if you prayed, it is much appreciated. If you didn't, shame on you.

Only kidding.

I'm sitting in a Holiday Inn Express right now. Today was a long day. We had everything moved out of our apartment yesterday, and last night we slept on the cold, hard floor. This morning we were to wake up and clean the hell out of the place so that we could get our security deposit back. Instead we had to go to work to get all of our gear inspected; we have to look good when we wave goodbye to Uncle Sam. Needless to say we still made deadline. It was funny though because some lady came by to inspect our apartment before we turned it back over to the Realtors. I'm surprised she didn't have a little suitcase with several pairs of white gloves because she was running her fingers over every damned thing. I guess even the civilians are a little military around here. Needless to say, we might get some money back!

My last trip home was an important one. Not only was it my last time to Ohio for God knows how long, but it was also my shining moment in proposing to my girlfriend. A lot of the guys around here call that taking the plunge, or giving away my balls. I assure you that I still have my testes. It's funny because the younger guys think it is a bad thing to do, while the ones in my age group or older think it's a great idea. Regardless, I did it, and I am happy. You should be, too.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I wish birthdays still felt special, like when I was a kid. My memories take me back to being so excited all day because people were coming over at night for a birthday blowout. Obviously my birthday is right before Christmas, so it was snowy a lot of the times and the beautiful Christmas tree was always there.

Now it's like any other day, I suppose. Getting older isn't fun once you pass somewhere around 22 or 23. Twenty-six is definitely a letdown because it's one year closer to 30. I have some weird preoccupation with age because in the army there isn't really any separation by age; what I mean is, there can be an 18 year old private in the army, which feels normal. Then, at the other end of the spectrum, there can be some down and out 40 year old private, which just doesn't seem right to me. I find it strange to see a 40 year old man taking orders from a snotty twenty-something sergeant. My preoccupation with age in the army has earned me the nick name "grandpa Gratsch." I even received a Christmas stocking with the nickname on it this year to prove it. Real swell.

I'm glad all of my army stuff is packed for Afghanistan; each bag only weighs about 300 lbs., or so it seems. I have to put these things on my back and I feel like my vertebrae are going to be permanently smashed into each other, like a collapsed accordion or something. As it turns out I am leaving early for Afghanistan on the 26th of December. Everyone else is leaving some days later. At first my buddies and I volunteered for what we were told was an advanced party to Madrid, Spain, to receive the aircraft. I thought, "Spain? I've never been there. I'm in." So we all volunteered. The next day we find out there was some miscommunication between my squad leader and platoon leader. We aren't going to Spain, we are just going to Afghanistan EARLY. Due to the non reversible status of this volunteering, it will be the last time I volunteer for anything in the army.

I guess that is all I have for now. The feeling of uncertainty has definitely found it's place in my heart, soul, mind, bosom (ha ha), whatever you want to call it. It has set in and I don't like it. It's weird to think how some people will be comfortable in their warm homes celebrating the holidays with their families, while others are very far away from home, alone and cold. Maybe they are hungry, tired, scared? I wish the world wasn't like that. I wish everyone could be with their families or doing what they want to do during this and every holiday season. I feel proud to do my part, but it is very hard. My fiance and my family is coming down to see me tomorrow, so that helps very much. I am excited to see them.

I may not be able to celebrate the holiday like I want, but I AM staying in a Holiday Inn Express.

And I will be doing so for the next 5 days.

Put me in a commercial.

I'm going to McDonald's, because it is delicious and comforting.

Happy Holidays.

-J